November 10, 2018
I’ll be honest with you, I wasn’t sure I’d still be pregnant at this point. Last week the pressure was so intense that I thought this little baby was going to make a surprise early appearance. I guess a lot of pregnant moms think that when they get this close to the end. This Wednesday, November 14th at 5:30a, I will check into Stamford Hospital. It’s a scheduled repeat c-section because of my medical complications. I am happy about it. I know a lot of women are critical of having a planned cesarean. I didn’t have a choice this time and that was fine with me. I knew it was what was the healthiest and best option for me and the baby. I’ll be honest though, I’m a control freak. My co-host, Raven, and my bosses can attest to this. There was a sense of relief that I was able to plan around a specific date for my work schedule and my overall sanity. I watched my sister deliver over a week late this summer and I thought how I’d lose my mind if that was me. I know that sounds crazy, it’s one of the “fun” parts of being pregnant, the unexpected. (Just not for me!) That doesn’t change the fact that now I’m nervous. I’m nervous for many rational reasons. I’m hoping I don’t get any postpartum emotions again. My mom calls them the baby blues and I like that term better. I wasn’t expecting that the first time I gave birth and it was scary and sad. When first-time-moms ask me for advice or ask me what they should know, they are always surprised when I tell them about it. I think that we’re conditioned to believe that we’re going to fall in love with this baby and be happy all the time the second he/she reaches our arms and for some women it’s not that easy. Looking back on those first few days I can’t imagine why or how I could be so sad and depressed- but I was. I was lucky to have my mom and husband by my side and even though I pray that it won’t happen again (and I really believe it won’t) and I’ll contact Dr. Coca if I’m feeling sad or blue. My more irrational fears center around having a second child. How could I ever love another child as much as I love my daughter, Hayden? Every mother that has multiple children always smiles and just says that you do. Your heart can hold all that love. It’s our job as a mother and our love is unconditional for all our children. I can’t wait to feel that intense love again. Wish me luck. XO.
Image: Anna’s daughter Hayden loves going to Anna’s doctor appointments at Stamford Hospital. She gets to see ultrasounds of her new sister (and get her homework done at the same time!)