Anna’s Stamford Hospital Hump Date Bump Update
If you would have told me a year ago today that I would be plowing into week 36 I probably wouldn’t have believed you. Here’s the truth, I miscarried at the end of September of 2017. It was one of the most devastating moments of my life. I know that a lot of women share that feeling. I know miscarriages are common. That didn’t make it easier. I thought for sure I’d never get pregnant again and after all those years my husband and I were beyond thrilled when that positive pregnancy test finally showed up. It was the greatest joy. We were giddy. We decided not to tell Hayden (Hayden is my daughter, she was eight at the time) for a while because we knew she would lose her mind in excitement and “God forbid” something happened we didn’t want to crush her. Well, then it happened. The “God forbid”. It was surreal. Obviously, I knew that a miscarriage could happen—but not to me. Not after it took so long to get pregnant. Not after all that praying and hoping. This is actually difficult for me to write because I had promised myself that one day I would be brave enough to talk about it on the air. I felt (and still feel) that women don’t talk about miscarriage enough. We should be able to support each other when it happens. I told myself that when I felt better and more confident about the whole thing, I would share my story so other women knew they weren’t alone. I’m ashamed that it’s a year later and I’m still not ready. I can’t shake that hurt to be able to talk about it without getting upset. One day I will talk about it on the air.
The only good thing that came from that experience was that I knew that I could get pregnant again. That was a big step. My OB/GYN, Dr. Coca with Stamford Hospital, was amazing, I knew she would be. She let me cry. She answered all 6,435 of my questions. She gave me options and she listened. My co-host, Raven, and my bosses were beyond understanding and I disappeared off the air for a week to heal both physically and mentally. It’s pretty hard to crack jokes and laugh when your body is going through that kind of trauma and your head isn’t in the right place. I sat on my couch and watched re-runs of the Real Housewives of New Jersey for hours on end. My daughter just thought I had a tummy ache for a week and was home sick. I read endless blogs about miscarriage and tried to make sense out of the whole thing. My family and my friends sat by my side and we ate a lot of junk food. Time went on and my sense of humor returned. Back to work, back to life. As suggested by Dr. Coca, after two cycles, we started trying again. We decided to try again before discussing whether we would seek a fertility specialist. Much to my surprise (and joy) it only took four months to get pregnant again. I took that positive test on our 13th wedding anniversary which also happened to be my daughter’s ninth birthday. It was the greatest gift. Let’s be honest, the beginning of this pregnancy was hard. I expected the worst, after all I had just lived it. But I was reassured that having a single miscarriage didn’t mean it would happen again. But I knew the clock was ticking (I’m 38) and the older I got, the harder it would be.
And here we are. I have had really strong women reach out to me about their stories. Women that have had several miscarriages, could never conceive, have been through many fertility treatments- and to all of them, thank you. Remember that the more we support each other in the dark times, the more we can smile and rejoice in the good times. But like any new mom to be- I’ll worry until I safely deliver this little princess. Then I’ll worry about her every day for the rest of my life. But that’s the gift of motherhood!
Image: Anna has bi-weekly non-stress testing at the medical offices of Stamford Hospital. It’s actually one of her favorite times of the week because she gets to just relax and feel Baby Zap kick and move around.